barnestans:

i know we say it all the time and it’s become almost it’s own meme, but i genuinely adore bucky barnes. in particular, the bucky barnes that sebastian stan has brought to life in the movie universe. i love pre-WS, 1940s bucky of course - handsome, sure of himself, would-do-anything for pre-serum steve bucky - but winter soldier bucky, civil war bucky, is what really gets me. he’s broken. he’s been taken apart, put back together, tortured, forced to kill - and he’s still soft. he spent however many months, years, living on his own, not hurting anyone, trying to find himself again, and keeping a bloody notebook to write shit down that he learns and remembers. “i don’t do that anymore” - it’s a quiet statement, but one he feels in his bones - that’s not me, steve. i don’t know who i am, but i know that’s not me. he didn’t want to cause trouble - “i’m not sure i’m worth all this, steve” - but he went with steve because he wants to believe maybe he can do some good. can you imagine living with all of this? knowing you should face the consequences, but hearing someone you know - the only person you know - telling you that “it wasn’t you”, reaffirming what you’ve been trying to tell yourself, giving you some hope that maybe you’re not this monster they tried to make you. he only ran from tony because steve told him to - maybe he just wants to believe that if he can just escape this, then he’s worth something after all.